Lenten Moment: Goodbye to Grudges

We have been on a journey these last 34 days trying to connect with the Lord. Some call it Lent others call it just Easter time. No matter what it is called this time of preparation, self examination is a powerful road to healing.

Ten Years ago I left the church building I was attending, shaken to the core The young adults group had watched the Passion of the Christ. One of the most painful experiences I have ever endured, because I saw what happened to my Jesus, the one whom I knew was calling me. Sometimes people assume that when a person has become a Christian that it means you are turning either into a pushover of sorts that takes abuse and has no spine, or they assume that you are "holier than thou" as some say, and a stark raving mad lunatic who pushes the "lake of fire" sermon on old ladies who ride buses. I know that is extreme, but I have heard just about everything between since I began to profess my faith 30 years ago. I hear even more as an ordained minister who is active with the poor. Really we are just people who are going through the motions of life and everyone's journey is different. No matter what people say though we have our own faults and we make mistakes. We also have the tendency to judge others and struggle inside, but Jesus knew that about us and the abuse that was suffered by him  for us was something I could not fathom until it was set before my eyes.

In my own mind I know that part of what He endured was to set me free from all the rocks that I have carried around my neck. Burdens of personal fault, burdens of stupid things that I have done. Then the things that happened because of my life circumstances. Living in poverty, being an outcast for being over weight, raising my own kids who suffered from the same hateful treatment as I did at school. It hit me like a ton a of bricks that night, that my worst rock..well gigantic boulder, was I still harbored a lot of hate for people I went to school with. I would see them in stores and restaurants and want to scream "and just who the hell are you now??"  when they would say hello to me. It was wrong and horrible, because that night made me realize something. This time in my life still owned me, but I never thought about where they were in life either at that time. People only know what they are raised to know. Bullies often have tough relatives that teach them that route and when a child suffers at home, the outlet is the playground at school. The truth behind many school aged children is that life is at times pure hell.

 Some of my class mates had parents with ugly divorces that left them damaged, my parents never fought at home, or talked badly about each other when they split.  Many were attention starved. There were many kids that were never told that they were loved, or that they looked nice by a parent or sibling. I was blessed that my dad would give compliments when they were due, even if they were very simple. When I would play my flute in church my dad would often say "not bad at all". I did not need to hear anything more because from him it was always with a huge grin. I realized that the kids I went to school with would have killed for my life in some ways, to be praised at something or just loved.

My Dad let me travel alone at 15 and 17 to World Conference. He gave me money and put me on a plane twice, without any hesitation. I went to summer youth camp with my grandma Hazel and week long camps with my dad. My mom took us on weekends to do fun things, we went bowling and had midnight doughnut runs. I did a lot of things that many people did once, if they were lucky.. and the entire time, I knew I was loved by my dad, my aunts and uncles, my mom and grandparents.. I also was loved by people in my faith community.

When the Passion was over we left the church very quietly.. all of us in shock. I thought about Jesus and his suffering and realized that I never really knew what had happened beyond a "story telling" point of view. He suffered the worst.. I decided that it was "for my worst" I needed to get rid of things that stood in the way of my ministry and relationship with God. I was a smoker at the time, but one of the worst things that haunted me were the things that happened to me at school. The things that people said would come back to me and I would feel belittled and small. Other times I would feel angry and think of all the things I could have said and done to teach them a lesson, had I known then what I know now. I would often feel that I was worthless and had nothing to give to God, because it was what I had been told for  the 13 years, when I was supposed to be developing a self esteem. I realized that I had given those people power over my relationship with Jesus with a ten thousand pound  chip on my shoulder and that I needed to let my anger and my hate go.

Not to long after that, I saw a girl at the store that had been a popular kid at school and a terrible tormentor of mine. I realized that she was very unhappy and that her cart contained items common of people who were living on food stamps that needed to be stretched. She also had a toddler with her. I have been there. I did not look on her in pity, she did not need that. What I did do was say hello without  gritting my teeth when she acknowledged me. I asked her of she had stayed in Vassar and what she was doing. She seemed relieved that I was not angry with her. I could sense that she was trying to apologize to me through awkward conversation as we waited in the check out line. She gave me a little wave when she left.

 In that moment I realized that I had truly let go of my hate for my former classmates. I no longer felt like I needed to think of ways that I could prove myself better or shrink away in shame from them. I just wanted them to feel what I feel, a great love of God. It was a freeing moment that I had literally waited my whole life for. In 2007 I quit smoking, in March of 2010, I was ordained to the office of priest, a minster for families. It totally changes the way that you think about others and the life that we live. In July of last year, I was ordained to elder, a minister who is responsible for bringing blessings.

In the last few years I have found myself as an adviser to many people whom I never would have spoken too had I not let go of my anger and hate. I find that the challenges that people face can be overcome with sharing Jesus Christ and by taking journeys together. With Lent, Advent, and every day in between we have the power to change our lives and experience the grace  and the ability to say goodbye to grudges. If we refuse to let ourselves be trapped by things of the past we have no where to go but forward in blessing.

God bless you. Jos

Everyone Passes Gas, and Other Stuff We Learn in Marriage that Really Matters...

15 Year Survival Guide

Many of my readers know that recently I celebrated 15 years of marriage. In a world where more than fifty percent of marriages "buy the farm" (some in less than 6 months) it is not something we hear these days from people my age. I'd be full of it if I said "we never fight" or that every day is perfect, but it has been the best 15 years I have ever had. That kinda perfection junk is for Disney and my husband and I find it to be more frightening that the reality of disagreeing and making mistakes. Here is what we learned to survive... 

Tell the truth early on.....

Lima beans, Carrot cake with raisins and too much junk extra, Cucumbers.. Things that my husband hates.... he told me up front to ease his personal pain.. I should have done the same

First off being honest about stuff can be painful especially early on in a relationship, but I swear it builds character, rather than pretend you like what he likes just spill!! I remember the third date I had with my husband at home. He made me a venison stew. It was a thoughtful homemade meal.. Did I mention that I hate 4 legged woods bound cuisine of any kind and seafood!!! Nope I chickened out... I toughed out the first night's meal with mountain of ketchup and mental prayer. The same effect CANNOT be reached when the left overs are stew or any broth based meal that cannot be drowned in ketchup.. (shudders here).. Just go for honesty!

Stuff you don't really know.. explain it how you understand it!!

 I'd like to mention that knowing car parts is not required for marriage success of any kind.. I know many of them, but the language of "That banging thingy that goes up and down" covers everything from the exhaust, stuff in suspension, and pistons.."... just sayin.. Also plumbing and electrical have their own vocabulary.. and a lot of times "damn it" bridges the gap between the two. I actually am the electrical and plumbing expert in the family. turning jewelry groomed me for wiring light switches and sockets.. who would'a thought?

When Silence Matters Most!

Let's just start with any time you want to say "I told you so". Get rid of that phrase here and now learn to tell yourself "shut up" inside first.. here is why....

When it comes to a Christmas tree that falls over after an hour of decorating (you may have said it needs an anchor wire), and  it catches the carpet on fire, don't laugh.. EVER. At least not until your husband has gone outside to enjoy the finer parts of falling snow and some nerve soothing nicotine. If you stand there and laugh with your brother while the blazes of hell and the carpet smolder in front of you it can cause a little friction.

Also no matter how much you scream or yell, if there are woodchucks, raccoon, or annoying small games in the garden, it is pointless to yell much when your husband just opens the door and shoots them where he stands.  -- side note -- you also don't have to yell about a raccoon that has ran up a telephone pole in the back yard after getting shot with an arrow.. you see if they get caught up on an electrical pole until the carcass falls 6 weeks later, the stink is enough to remind him that might not have been the best idea,. you need to say nothing.

More About What You don't really Know..

Languages.... I speak 4. 2 fluently 2 elementary.. (English, Portuguese, Spanish and French) My husband however speaks hunting,  fishing, mechanics,  and bbq. All of these skill sets are equally important. While I can bbq and cook up a storm (pride point of my husband's that is certain) we have two different methods for those things. In grilling... "I just flipped that" means "leave it alone for us both.. no translations required"..

Learning your spouses language dialect is important also. I speak "Impatient English". I think Lee has it figured out when I sad "Dear, when you have time can you......??" Really means I want you to do this (insert request here) in the next five minutes or so and I am not really worried about what you are doing this second. Not a pretty truth about what happens in my head, but it is what it is..

When the Alone Hand Matters Most is Not Always in a Euchre Game.

"Stay home partner!" is the phrase uses in the game of Euchre to signify that you want to try to make all the points yourself and score extra points if you succeed. Sometimes when Lee works a lot together time is slim to none.. this also includes when I am away on mission projects out of the country or at summer camps.. They tend to run back to back..  I like to to try to make up for lost time on Lee's days off. When Lee says "not really" or "I'm good" as a very slow reply to questions about places I want to drag him, it equals a firm no. "I think not" equals for lack of better words "hell no". This includes going to most baby showers, restaurants that he finds annoying, and also bead stores of any kind.


Last, But Not Least "Passing Gas"--

Everyone does it eventually so running away the first year of marriage to do so is a waste of time. I come from a family with sour insides.. and I am a good German with an affection for sauerkraut so it is a reality. You can be a traditionalist and say "excuse me" or when you are sure the outcome is going to be ugly shouting "Rusty! Bad dog!" is quite acceptable, until your children conceived in love and raised in truth, begin to say "Mom either you or Rusty need to see the vet and get that fixed". We don;t have a dog so the humor here is pretty plain. My husband remains blissfully silent. (see section three title for more info..)...

Happy Fifteen Dear!

Fat ...Not Your Momma's "F" Word

Thoughts From the Inside of a Plus Size Diva

What's Up...

To the national magazine who has decided to use a plus size model for a cover.. thanks from the bottom of my heart. Even if she is really just a normal sized curvy lady.. she is more realistic than models that only get to eat 4 days a week and have often starved themselves or have suffered other things just to be on the cover.... 

I have been a plus size diva my whole life.. even when I was "skinny".. I needed size 14-16 women's jeans. I think that for some people it is hard to imagine what weight issues can do to someone.. so I wanted to tell you a little bit about the "f" word and what it is like to be called "fat'.. and why people who are not plus size in truth should not use the word to complain about themselves to others because you could be really hurting someone. Also want to share what I discovered last year that has left me feeling hopeful..

Born Big Boned??

I grew up in a family with a few other plus size members, but most of my family were fairly healthy average size people. Out of four kids I stuck out like a sore thumb and sometimes felt bad for my siblings when they had to claim me in their group. I can remember people telling my mother that "I was big boned, and did she have me to the doctors for it?"  I wondered if it was something serious, I worried for days about it until I finally got the courage to ask my sister who told me I would not die from big bones...... My older sister was smaller than I, and it was difficult to know that her clothes were always smaller than mine, and that a lot of times things that I liked that she wore, would never fit me. I never could borrow anything from her...  My older sister was never cruel to me about my weight. She tried hard to help me find clothes that would look nice to keep me from being teased, but it was hard to find them and I often had to wear boys and men's clothing as child because there were not "husky" sizes for girls and my mom had to quit sewing for me when she had gone to work full time. I also had a great selection of matronly clothing from women who were aghast that I wore boys clothing to school. The only thing in my life at that time that was worse than the boys clothing, being dressed like an old woman.... in the 4th grade...... A kind woman named Ursi, the mom of two of my class mates, made some stuffed animals for me, a pink dragon, a turtle.... she made them by hand.. she had no idea that at times in my life, they were all that I had to cling too.. in her eyes I was someone...

 Just going to school was very painful, kids can be very cruel. I was hit, bit, slapped, kicked and choked on the school bus, because I was fat. What was worse were  adults who knew better, could be more so cruel than children at times. Ignoring the taunts I endured or saying things themselves.. I remember one time that I was at a breakfast at the church in Juniata and a man I knew asked me "do you like sausage?.". I answered truthfully "yes". He smiled and said that he knew I did because "I was a little piggy". I wanted to run away scream, cry anything just to get away from him.  I wanted to stick my fork in his leg and let him see what it felt like to be hurt by someone. I was only 7 years old. I actually did not let go of that hurt until I saw him as a frail old man at his own brother's funeral..  

Teacher's Pet

I can list about 50 synonyms for "fat" probably more than most kids I went to school with.. I heard them all through out school... it was a peer study group activity, I studied daily with one kid or another. Synonym for fat.. hummm "tubby, chubby, tub o'lard, fatty, Stay Puft, girnormus" How am I I doing here? During gym I was  always chosen last for teams, unless it was dodge ball day, because then I was a fabulous human shield for girls who did not want to get drilled in the face during gym class with a rubber ball. (remember the heavy rubber ones circa 1970?). I was always picked first for dodge ball and for tug of war..   I endured the teasing from kids that were popular in Junior and Senior High, telling me one kid or another liked me (usually one of the jocks). I never fell for it because I had enough training in elementary boot camp to know that no one in the school was interested in dating me.. being fat does not make one stupid, EVER.. but many people think so. Many of my teachers tried to help me keep my chin up and cope with the bullies but it was not easy. this kind of teasing just wears you out. Often though, when the teachers protected me, kids just lashed out harder out of ear shot. Still though to Pat Middlin, Judy Gander, Ann Anklam, Kelly Hengy, and Bonnie Butts, Diane Hackett, I love you, forever, nuff said. 

As I grew older people tried to veil their rude comments a little about my weight. Even try to make them a compliment.. "that shirt looks good on a big girl like you: "thanks, lucky for your behind that you can out run me".. People would say things like "she has such a pretty face......" (yep I get it, the rest is junk).. or "her mother needs to give her less dessert." as if I was too stupid to comprehend in my brain ( in conjunction with the amount of fat on my body) to know that my face was the only normal sized thing on my body. Sometimes people would tell me at gatherings of sorts that I didn't need any dessert. really helpful thanks.. . I am sure not one person there needed dessert either, because we all know that it is super healthy for everyone. (yep that is sarcasm)

Stupid Questions

Many people for a long time even into my adulthood have asked me if I have ever tried to diet.?? Humm have I EVER tried??  The first one I failed was when I was in the second grade. I lost 8 lbs, then started on a  growth spurt and my progress went down the toilet, with myself esteem. Then 4th grade, 5th grade and junior high... When I was sophomore in high school I started on blood pressure meds and I hated it that I had to take what I thought of as "old people meds" at that age, and a no salt diet.  I also had beginning stages of  deep depression, although I didn't know that was it. Depression fuels obesity, obesity makes you depressed. Yep we have an infinity symbol thingy happening right here...  It is one very vicious cycle.The only saving grace in high school I had, was that some what stylish plus size clothing was starting to take root at main stream stores. My senior year I did not have to wear all men's jeans for the first time.. I even owned a casual wear dress that year, but I still just wanted to be and dress like other people. I don't even know why I wanted to be like people who took such great joy at hurting me.

The BAD FAD Diet...

After I graduated and moved out I started to loose some weight, but it was because I was eating too little and I knew it. I ate a lot of toast and coffee for meals. (started smoking too) I tried to exercise and I worked three jobs sometimes to try to stay busy, but finally I got into taking  speed to try to get my weight down.. Went down it did! It also gave me an enlarged left ventricle in my heart to go with it. How nice. More pills, more problems. I now needed a serious blood pressure medication and medication to try to help with my condition that started from the bp meds........  btw when a doctor tells you the words open heart surgery while your preggers, it makes you feel sicker than morning sickness. I was healed of the leaking valve praise God, but I still gotta watch myself..

I got off drugs, met my husband and then I had two kids 10 months a part..... I tried to roll with the punches of baby weight, but I could not get my weight to go back down. I did South Beach, Atkins, and lots of fads.... but they often raised my blood pressure because foods that are "diet" are HIGH in salt and aspartame. The diet coke I was drinking was also making me sicker than I care to admit with the shakes and head aches.....  In all honesty at that point I felt worthless and I felt like hell for 10 years after that. My husband's love and his affection helped me to cope with things, but it was still painful. I developed some coping with humor mechanisms to try to help with it. I often said to him things to try to poke fun at myself "well dear you sorta got the short end of the stick.. because my pre-baby size was false advertisement" he hated that because to him I was beautiful.  The worst one was always "Do my snow pants make me look fat? or does my fat make me look fat??" Like I said defense mechanisms..

I tried to exercise and do things to get my weight down for years, I often hurt myself trying to do exercise routines that were long and grueling.. but have you ever seen a 300lbs plus female exercise? It takes courage to put those clothes on.. three words "awkward, rotten, awkward.." It is isn't easy or good to do too much the first time. I gave it up because I could not go to a gym and feel good there and I had back spams more often than not from bad routines.. no one had told me that you build up endurance first or that you can start small and win big in the end.. 

Mirror Mirror

I used to call "fat" the other "f" word. I hated to hear thin people stand at a mirror say "I am so fat!" knowing that I would have given anything to be that small. It is really a very hurtful thing to do around people that are obviously bigger than you, and it actually left little desire for me to be friends with people who did that. Just an FYI. most plus size divas really hate this, even if they never say a word to you about it.. why.. because it hurts to say out loud, "you are no where near as big as me"..Most people who read my blog are people who know me and would say that they would never do anything to hurt me, and I believe that, but sometimes it is the times that people indirectly hurt

us because they just have no idea that are being cruel picking at themselves..

The Ugly Truth

Sometimes it is hard to look at old pics where I stick out... This is of my babies from Cameroon and their mom and caregiver...  just before they left for Huston Texas... my love for these girls has kept me from cropping myself out... but you can't use thinify on pics with multiple people... just sayin...

4 years ago I did two years of food journals and counseling with my doc and worked all the time trying to get things in order for a healthier me. I thought bariatric surgery, but I had 4 surgeries a year before and I did not heal well.. He said that I was neither lazy nor eating badly as I had though I was. So I asked him " why then am I this way??" He wasn't sure, but he did blood work. Everything was normal  and he wanted me to consider some different medical approaches.. but he transferred to the hospital before I could work with him further. His replacement said that she would not honor the food journals I did. I think she thought I was lazy or a liar. I burned my journals and stopped caring. For a while I gave up trying to take care of myself. People thought that I was lazy and  stupid because of my size. "Let them think it then!" I thought.... but.... then answers came... 

  While some of my stature is genetic, much of it is caused by a disease that I have called Poly-cystic Ovarian disease. I was diagnosed last year finally..... but a serious unrelated illness delayed the right kind of treatment to get things going. This condition causes a hormone imbalance that can knock you off of your feet. It causes terrible female cycles of bleeding and timing (sometimes only two or three a year total). I never associated that issue with my weight the right way. I thought that these things happened because I was fat, not that these things could make me this way... While some women would think it is a blessing, when your cycles do come infrequently it is not when they last for 20 days or more with a vicious amount of cramps and blood loss from the breaking cysts it is horrible. When you are a traveler this condition  is very diffident to cope with. My first mission to Brazil in the 109 degree heat, it often made me feel faint and too tired to enjoy the work. I also had to explain to pastor Carlos in my broken Portugese that I needed to go to the pharmacy for " bigger girls things" because the flow from that can wipe out a weeks worth of supplies in 2 days. I praise God he is a Dad in his life..  because it was embarrassing  to explain that  the "supplies" at the local grocery store we too small and not adequate...

I finally went to my doctor to discuss the condition the following spring and to think about a hysterectomy, because I wanted to go back to Brazil and serve God without the health issues... but she had some other things to talk to me about first. She had a good idea of what my condition was because she had seen it many times before and that surgery did not have to be a first option. Ever hear of poly-cystic ovaries? "This disease makes weight loss almost impossible!"  it was the first thing she said to me... This is because the symptoms mimic diabetes and causes poor insulin use by the body and nutrition from  food is used improperly as well. Many people can take diabetic medications to restore healthy cycles and many loose weight because of the better use of insulin. Others just need a diet tweak to get things back in order. Depending on the severity of the condition some women don't need to do much. Sadly, I could not tolerate the meds. They made me horribly sick. My doctor told me that I could still treat the depression part of things and that I could still loose weight but only if I taught my body to work around its issues. First slowly start weigh training to build a healthy core and to just walk to build endurance for better things. It took me two months..  I also had to walk away from pop because of the sugar spikes and it took me a few weeks.. although I do splurge on Guarana when I am in Brazil. My weight is coming down steadily, but in the right way, slow and steady. I also know that I will never ever a a size 8 or even really a 10, because my ideal body weight with my height and build says that a 12-14 is healthy. 

I have no idea what the future will bring, but I hope that people will consider their words and the stereotyping that happens to big women through them. I spent 33 of my 36 years suffering from obesity, but the other 3 I lost to drugs. I believe that for the first time in my life, the 37th, will be my best, because I now know that I have hope, and that sometimes things really are not because we have done things badly, but because things in our bodies have gone bad. I still watch my use of "3 letter f-bombs" because some old scars heal slower than others and let's face it.. it just plan sucks, but once again thanks to Sports Illustrated for their good deed towards plus size divas everywhere. We need your love and support to help work on the damage done in other places....  Thanks! ~ Jos

The Peace That Was Meant to Be..

Here were are in the season of Advent.. singing carols, baking cookies, going to church and office parties. We are waiting for the "big day" to get here. I am no fan of consumerism, but I believe that giving heart felt gifts and getting together with neighbors is a very good thing. We need things to look forward. to I also have an affection for cheese balls, and Christmas is a great cheese ball holiday! Christmas is also supposed to be a great holiday for peace, where we proclaim "Let there be peace on earth!"

I have to make a confession.. and I mean a terrible dirty confession. I have not watched the news in months. I just cannot. It is not that I do not care or try to hide form the world's problems. Especially with all of the things happening in the USA right now. I just don't have the ability to take in people hurting people, it makes me sick (this is for real and not just a phrase). I have survived numerous abuses in my life that have left their mark on my soul. When I see people hurting each other, it makes me want to be sick to my stomach. I catch most of my news from Facebook headlines and from friends comments.

Lately I have been thinking about that phrase "Let there be peace on earth!".. I think part of the problem that we have is that we miss the other part.. "the peace that was meant to be".. I do not feel that the world was ever created to be a Utopian society where everyone has the same things and equal amounts of everything for all. There would be no motivation to work or better the world. I do feel though that there should be enough, for all.  It was written that  Jesus mentioned in the scriptures that there would always be poor among us. I believe that it is a "poor" of  many kinds he was referring to.  There is physical poverty,social poverty, poverty of understanding. The list goes on. If there were no challenges in life ministry would sort of be an empty thing, because no real growth would occur.

 The more I have struggled this season and looked to the scriptures for help.. the more the lyrics of the song "the peace that was meant to be!" continue to come forth. The peace of having enough. The peace of protest that does not alienate people. The peace of sharing food with those who have too little or none at all. The peace of giving people the proper tools to take care of themselves, and allow them the dignity that the wealthy of the world has. This is the peace that was meant to be. This peace allows people to be open in worship of their faith to live without fear. This peace allows people to express their love for each other without the confines of gay, straight, sexuality, or gender dividing people. This peace allows equal access to all who deserve work and want to work without the stigma of race, color, or gender stopping them.

The news has become so inflammatory in the USA that for my part of the peace that was meant to be, it means not giving news stations my business. It means that I will try to use multiple news venues to get my information before I act.  It means that I will not knee-jerk react when someone does or says something I do not like. The peace that was meant to be also means that I will take time to listen to people that I disagree with so that I can better understand them, rather that shut them out or try to shove them in a corner. The peace that was meant to be... I hope that my readers will take time to reflect on what that peace means to them and what it was meant to be in their lives. Maybe you will let go of a grudge. Maybe you will take time to speak to a neighbor. Maybe you will not cringe and scream inwardly the next time said neighbor uses the snow thrower at 2:00 am to "beat the clean up rush" in two inches of snow.  Maybe you will take time to meditate in traffic rather than cuss out the guy in front of you who cut around you to get to the intersection just in time for the red. Whatever it is let it be "the peace that was meant to be!"

Merry Christmas... JDC

In the Nick Name of Love.... "Uncle Jerson, Uncle Josie"

Tradução Português na parte fim do artigo.

Pastor Carlos Carvalho and I Just after my "adoption" in  July 2012

Being a missionary is very hard. I spend a lot of time away from my home and family in the USA, and even more time away from my family in Brasil. It makes me wonder with the heartaches that are felt away why God chose me to do this work. Every time I spend time with my brothers and sisters in the church (locally and globally) I am reminded why. We are a people who need a connection. We are a people who need love and attention. Life in the church provides that, as well as a relationship with God. We experience God's love through each other. Sometimes His prophetic words are given to us through those who serve him. I would like you to meet my "Uncle Jerson" who in turn calls me "Uncle Josie".. it was a funny mistake that stuck as a nick name. It is funny how a nickname can sometimes bring about a friendship with someone and friendships can bring nicknames.. 

To My Uncle Jerson with Love

I wondered a moment what kind of nickname God would have.. then I realized we have given Him many.. the "Almighty God" "Alpha and Omega" "Savior" "Shepard" and "Father..."

I love it that in Brazil when we pray because we use the word " Daddy" I know that for some people this might seem strange and to others almost too intimate of a word to use when talking to God..... but I have discovered that God is a very personal God. Sometimes because we struggle to sense Him in the moment with us, we imagine that God is in the future waiting for us to find him in a time and place far away because the scriptures keep talking about the second coming. (The largeness of the Universe also doesn't help, because we often point to heaven as being "up there and out there")  Sometimes we think God is just in the past.. because we find the testimonies that others have shared in the Bible, and often we cannot always identify with God's personal nature through them because many of them were written for a different audience. Some churches even teach that God was done with his people, wanting them no more... For some people it is difficult to imagine that God had relationships with more than just the prophets because the stories of everyday people were not recorded. I have discovered though that God is a God of the moment.. or better said "a God of the present time for all people". This moment. The now. God is with us in ways that we can never imagine. 

Some of the most powerful connections that I have had with God were prophetic moments. These were times where God had a message for someone that needed to hear that God still loves and cares for them. Often times these are people that I don't know very much about. One of the most profound experiences I have had was with my dear friend Jerson. Over several weeks I saw angels with him and had visions of people from his past, over the internet streaming live while I was in the USA. I told him about what I saw when I went back to Brazil.. . I felt like a crazy person when I had to explain what was happening in these visions (in my second language, which I did not speak very well at the time)....... Jerson though, did not think I was crazy and he knew what I was talking about, for the most part. God was trying to get Jerson's attention. I was the only way to get it. When someone who you don't know very well, tells you things that no one else knows... it gets your attention fast. Jerson needed to know that God loves him, and that He was with Jerson through everything he struggled with in life and would be with him in the future.  Most important was the message God was a close as his own breath all the time.

I started calling Jerson "Uncle Jerson" on my second trip to Brazil. His brother Carlos and I work together in Sao Paulo. Carlos is the Pastor of Poa and I am his adviser and counselor. I call Carlos "Dad" and have been adopted by the whole Carvalho family.  Calling Jerson "Uncle" is a great privilege for me and for him I believe something of an honor. That nickname tells him he is loved. I send him letters almost every week through Facebook and try to call him on the phone every Tuesday. I enjoy talking to him about the weather and the things that are happening in his life. I think about the first few times that I spoke to Jerson about God and how scared I was of making mistakes and using bad Portuguese.

Jers understands me very well now. We speak a mixture of mostly Portuguese and little English and Spanish sprinkled in.... but my message is often the same. "God loves you, you are special, you are a blessing to others".. I know that sometimes life is busy and that we have too many things to do, but we need to make time to share God's message with people in special ways.. even if it is through those silly one or two word phrases called nicknames... Even people who know God very well need this. Jerson is no stranger to God. He is a very active member of our church. He participates in worship twice weekly, but Jerson like myself, is a human. We need to be reminded constantly of the relationship that we have with God and that others in the world love us, just as we are. My portuguese will never be perfect and Jerson's english the same, but we both understand Gods presence in us through the "nick name" of love. God bless you always Uncle Jerson..... from Uncle Josie

PORTUGUESE - (google)

Ser missionário é muito difícil. Eu passo muito tempo longe da minha casa e da família nos EUA, e ainda mais tempo longe da minha família no Brasil. Isso me faz pensar com as dores da alma que se fazem sentir afastado por que Deus me escolheu para fazer este trabalho. Toda vez que eu passar o tempo com meus irmãos e irmãs na igreja (local e global) Lembro-me porquê. Somos um povo que precisam de uma conexão. Somos um povo que precisam de amor e atenção. A vida na igreja prevê que, assim como um relacionamento com Deus. Nós experimentamos o amor de Deus através de um ao outro. Às vezes, suas palavras proféticas são dadas a nós por aqueles que o servem. Gostaria que você conhecesse o meu "Uncle Jerson" que por sua vez me chama de "Uncle Josie" .. foi um erro engraçado que preso como um apelido. É engraçado como um apelido pode às vezes levar a uma amizade com alguém e amizades podem trazer apelidos ..

Para Meu Uncle Jerson Com Amor

Perguntei-me um momento que tipo de apelido Deus teria .. então eu percebi que demos-Lhe muitos .. o "Deus Todo-Poderoso" "Alpha e Omega" "Salvador" "Shepard" e "Pai ..."
Eu amo-o que, no Brasil, quando oramos porque nós usamos a palavra "Pai" Eu sei que para algumas pessoas isso pode parecer estranho .... mas eu descobri que Deus é um Deus muito pessoal. Às vezes porque lutamos para senti-Lo no momento com a gente, nós imaginamos que Deus é, no futuro, esperando por nós para encontrá-lo em um tempo e lugar distante. (A grandeza do Universo também não ajuda, porque muitas vezes apontam para o céu como sendo "lá em cima e lá fora") Às vezes pensamos que Deus é justo no passado .. porque encontramos os testemunhos que os outros têm compartilhado na Bíblia, e muitas vezes nem sempre podemos identificar com a natureza pessoal de Deus através deles, porque muitos deles foram escritos para um público diferente. Algumas igrejas ensinam que Deus mesmo foi feito com o seu povo, querendo que eles não mais ... Para algumas pessoas, é difícil imaginar que Deus teve relacionamentos com mais do que apenas os profetas, porque as histórias de pessoas comuns não foram registrados. Eu descobri que esse Deus é um Deus do momento .. ou melhor, "um Deus do tempo presente para todas as pessoas". Esse momento. O agora. Deus está conosco de uma maneira que nunca podemos imaginar.


Algumas das conexões mais poderosas que eu tive com Deus foram momentos proféticos. Eram tempos em que Deus tinha uma mensagem para alguém que precisava ouvir que Deus ainda o ama e se importa com eles. Muitas vezes estas são as pessoas que eu não sei muito sobre. Uma das experiências mais profundas que tive foi com o meu querido amigo Jerson. Ao longo de várias semanas, vi anjos com ele e tinha visões de pessoas de seu passado, sobre o streaming de internet ao vivo, enquanto eu estava nos EUA. Eu disse a ele sobre o que eu vi quando eu voltei para o Brasil ... Senti-me como uma pessoa louca quando eu tive que explicar o que estava acontecendo nessas visões (na minha segunda língua, que eu não falava muito bem na época) ....... Jerson porém, não achava que eu era louco e ele sabia o que eu estava falando, em sua maior parte. Deus estava tentando chamar a atenção de Jerson. Eu era a única maneira de obtê-lo. Quando alguém que você não conhece muito bem, diz-lhe coisas que ninguém mais sabe ... ele recebe sua atenção rápida. Jerson precisava saber que Deus o ama, e que Ele estava com Jerson através de tudo o que ele lutou com a vida e estaria com ele no futuro. O mais importante era a mensagem de Deus foi um fim como sua própria respiração o tempo todo.

Comecei a chamar Jerson "Uncle Jerson" por que fui adotados por toda a família Carvalho. Chamando Jerson "tio" é um grande privilégio para mim e para ele eu acredito que algo de uma honra. Esse apelido lhe diz que ele é amado. Eu enviar-lhe cartas quase todas as semanas através do Facebook e tentar chamá-lo ao telefone toda terça-feira. Gosto de conversar com ele sobre o tempo e as coisas que estão acontecendo em sua vida. Eu penso sobre as primeiras vezes que eu falei para Jerson sobre Deus e como eu estava com medo de cometer erros e usando mau Português.

Jers me entende muito bem agora. Falamos de uma mistura de Inglês principalmente Português e pouco e espanhol polvilhado em .... mas minha mensagem é muitas vezes o mesmo. "Deus ama você, você é especial, você é uma bênção para os outros" .. Eu sei que às vezes a vida está ocupado e que temos muitas coisas para fazer, mas precisamos dar tempo para compartilhar a mensagem de Deus com as pessoas de maneiras especiais .. mesmo que seja através desses bobos uma ou duas palavras frases chamados nicknames ... mesmo as pessoas que conhecem a Deus muito bem precisa disso. Jerson não é estranho a Deus. Ele é um membro muito ativo da nossa igreja. Ele participa de culto duas vezes por semana, mas Jerson como eu, é um ser humano. Nós precisamos ser lembrados constantemente da relação que temos com Deus e que outros no mundo nos amam, assim como nós somos. Meu português nunca será perfeito e Jerson de Inglês o mesmo, mas nós dois entendemos a presença de Deus em nós através do "apelido" do amor. Deus o abençoe sempre Uncle Jerson ..... do Uncle Josie

Fear, World Religions, and the Media... Stopping Stupid in it's Tracks..

I am a college student and old one, but "one" none the less. If you don't know much about college you should know that in college you try to take classes that interest you after your core and required classes are met.. I took Philosophy of Religions because of my religious back ground and calling in my church. This is a tough course that keeps you on your toes. It has taught me that there are somethings in dire need of working on this world.

 I have been  blessed because the class also has a "World Religions" broad  course as a secondary part of the class beyond philosophies..I have learned about the world of religion and things that people think about particular faiths. It has been an eye opener. There seems to be one common thread though among humanity that no matter what we think or believe, if we allow ignorance about other religions to continue, it allows fear to be birthed. People like to assume things and that  fear from their assumptions can ruin us if we let it. I have also learned that  as long as people accept ignorance about these subjects we have less of a chance to find peace that the world so desperately needs.

We learn fear at an early age. Parents shout "don't touch that!" or "Hot!" so we will be afraid of getting burned (and rightfully so)..we learn to be careful around things, afraid of breaking stuff crossing the street. We learn to  fear our weird aunt Bessie when she comes over, mostly because she smells funny and pinches our cheeks.. After a while as we learn more about the world, we spend a lot of time developing a list of things to be afraid of. In the world that we live in the list of fears gets longer and longer with the blast of media control on our lives. Kids are exposed to hours and hours of horrific news on social media and they hear stories at school from their class mates about things.. and of course it is the "blown up" version of whatever happened. It is a wonder that the school lunch programs have not started passing out Prozac with the chocolate milk. Between all the "buzz word" reports and hype, our kids are getting the wrong message about everything from Islam to what it means to be in a loving committed relationship. Adults affirm these fears in a number of ways.

As a parent I admit my fears. I worry about my kids and the kids they go to school with. I worry about their futures and their hopes and dreams. My husband and I worry together about the bills and many things as he is going back to work and we will be three weeks with out money. Some how in my mind robbing a bank to solve my issues is not okay in any country, and my religion confirms that for me. (so do many others) I have a strong faith and in my personal theology I believe God loves us and cares for us. I believe He cares for my children even when they are in my presence but my mind always runs back to that  fearful place when things happen. It says "what will you do about?!!?..." I know that our needs will be met, but this is just an example of daily fears that come up to many people...... Hinduism says that if I act on an impulse to rob the bank my actions make my world worse. Karma is not "what goes around comes around" It is about living in what we have made of the world.. While I am mostly grounded and logical "What if's" run wildly in my head and  my mind paints a stupid picture about the worst of everything. The mind is a mad monkey and I have tried to meditate to reach nirvana like many Buddhist to find my place in the midst of my stress. Nirvana by the way is a state of mind "outside the mind", not a rock band. (That is another discussion...)  I am thankful for my faith and my friends in faith because it keeps me grounded. I am thankful for others who choose not to do harm to me for having mad monkeys and a "nirvanaless" life.. Others though don't know how to cope with their own mad monkeys (fears) so they make it up as they go... it gives stupid a racetrack in the human mind. Then they sell tickets and invite the neighborhood.

This class about religions that I have been taking, has helped me to learn many things about the world's major religions and what people don't really know about them and most of what they think they know is very skewed thanks to media and ignorance in general. Most of us are "religion stupid" for lack of better words and it is beginning to have devastating effects on our world.  I have learned that religion, no matter what form, keeps us grounded. It helps us to develop our morals and to develop a sense of rightness. This is true even if our rightness is not what others accept or agree with, there has to be a place to start. Religion keeps us connected with others along a common thread of belief..

 Along time ago I decided to nip certain "religion fears" in the bud with my children. I did not want them to grow up bashing any religion because many faith communities do so in trying to prove their "rightness"(also people who choose to not believe anything at all have very defensive positions). I did not want them to think that religion (or lack there of)  blanket statements  are okay, just because it is the norm on television or other places in life. . I also tell them that they should ask about what they don't know from someone who does so that they are not disrespectful in the face of ignorance.  I  made it a point to introduce my children to people from many cultures and places so that they would have respect for life beyond the scope of their own eyes. I also taught them that you cannot assume that some one holds a particular belief, just because they live somewhere that others commonly hold them. It seems to be paying off as we have people from other countries in our home and my kids are at ease with them.. I want to say that  am not touting my perfection as a parent here. Parenting is a tough job and sometimes I fail miserably, but I wanted to give my kids a fighting chance at being good people that the world could benefit from. 

The media has blindly mixed countries, authenticity, religions, and nationality in verbiage. It for me sits as well in my stomach as four day old fruit salad in 90 degree weather. Media seems to use  invisible trash cans for what the world doesn't understand or like. Often the message says "if you don't like someone, stick them here in the can and you can make it disappear in the push of a button". So many cartoons now days show places being blown off the map and mass killing of species at war  as the norm ..   I have issues with my kids thinking that annihilating any part of the world is okay, especially if it is just because we are afraid of what others "might" do.  Television also shows using violence towards a neighbor is okay  to settle disputes when you have an issue, especially if that person is from a different religion or country. To me this is utter stupidity.. and stopping it needs to be in the forefront of our to do list. My campaign is "Stop Stupid in its Tracks". This is for my children, and yours.

While many people think that they are powerless to stop this kind stuff... actually you can. Opinion matters, and studying counts! Letting networks know when a show rankles your conscience is good place to start. Refusing to watch abusive television is very effective because ratings are everything. When news papers identify people or places incorrectly retractions and corrections are possible and are made when mistakes have been verified. When people you know are talking about things that they don't know, kind but firm words about stereotypes can go a long ways. When sharing on a topic admitting that you are not an expert in the religious or cultural area is helpful too. Letting people know what you need to learn more of is no thing of shame. Most importantly for your kids, talk to them! Turn off the tube and have some conversations.. I often interrupt my children even when they are not arguing, but have said things that are stereotyped or learned from uneducated class mates. I remind them that they do not want to be stereotyped and how they have felt when they were. I ask them why they felt justified in their feelings and try to help them become more educated about people and their religions, after all our neighbors come in many varieties. It won't cure the world's religion issues over night, but at least it is a place to start.. no ticket sales here!

Ministry of "Girlfriends"

                                             THE MINISTERS OF EVERYDAY LIFE