.Take up thy Cross.
Today was a very busy day. I went
to Caro to retrieve my guitar and change the oil in my car. I had been a few
places in Mayville and Vassar as well, and was kind of stressed because my hard
saved money for Conference has been going for other things that can’t be
avoided. Life is such that sometimes you just have to pray and trust, or take
up your Cross and follow. To me taking up the cross is more than just admitting
that I have sinned and asking for forgiveness. It is also taking the responsibility
for the things that I have done, and seeing to it that reconciliation happens..
Sometimes that is the heaviest weighted cross that we bear.
God has always taken care of me.
There just isn’t anything for mission work or true necessity he has not
provided for me. Today while I was fuming in my mind about having to get money
from my savings for prescriptions and other things I was complaining to God
ever so loudly in my mind. Then I saw them. A man was walking through town with
a group of about 8 people. He was carrying a very heavy wooden cross. I thought
wow, of I knew them, I’d go with them. We watched him for a few minutes, and then
I went into Subway to buy our lunch. I overheard a woman say, oh there are
people with him this time. Last year he just carried that cross around town all
day, alone. The word “alone” burned in my ears and had me thinking about those
last few thoughts in my mind. “If I knew them”.. Why would I need to know them?
I know the symbolism; I know that they are acknowledging the very person I have
given my life in service to. It was like the second rooster was crowing in my
head. I went from taking away God’s opportunity to bless me, to saying well, if
those Christians were “my people, or my tribe” I’d go with them. I felt like I
was suddenly clunked in the head with a thousand pound cross. For me the sins weren’t so much doubt, as it
was the attitude that I was carrying with it. God knows that in our humanity we
struggle to trust, but I had asked him years ago to help Lee and I out of
poverty, so that we could be a blessing to others. God has done that. He also
has taken care of all of my missions and paid for airfare, camp fees, and many
things. I spend a lot of time teaching others to trust God to put them on the path
for blessing; I need to practice what I preach. 5 years ago, I didn’t even have
a savings to speak of, I should be grateful I even have it.
I have been speaking a lot in my
writings and work about working with other faith communities, and about getting
to know people. I feel strongly about the passage in Matthew that instructs us “to
go into all nations”. I have often said that part of that phrase was also
metaphorical. Many nations these days exist in one single state. We have so
many connections with people through jobs, social types, towns and counties,
that the possibilities are limitless. Yet I had already assumed that I couldn’t
simply walk with them, because I didn’t know them. Would it even matter if I
ever knew their names? The expression of carrying that cross was what mattered
most.
During services tonight at the
Crossroads congregation, I was struck by the feelings that I had been carrying.
Feeling guilty for being cranky with God, feeling like an outsider among my own
fellow man, I knew that I was one of the those people who had set the rooster
crowing with my attitude.. During the last few moments of the service the
lights were turned completely off. Brother Darwin covered the cross with a
black drape, and we had a moment of reflection; It was very still in the church..
In the car on the way home I talked with Dorothy a little about the things that
had been going on in the service. She mentioned to me that it was awful that
the thieves’ legs were broken, and that Jesus was needlessly stabbed in the side.
I told her just to remember that in three days Jesus rose and that all was well
from then on. While we spend a lot of time carrying crosses the resurrection has
never stopped. Yes the resurrection was well at hand in those days. The people
waiting in fear in that upper room 2000 years ago were about to be amazed and
be changed. It never ended the resurrection is happening now, and will be for
tomorrow as well. For as long as we have sin and struggle, and along as we have
need, the resurrection happens daily.
What is important is that we take up our cross,
but we must always be responding to the resurrection. Sometimes we get so
caught up on carrying our own cross that we forget to head to the resurrection.
Our life struggles don’t have to keep us wandering with a heavy load, if we acknowledge
them and take responsibility for the ones we try to ignore. Often times our
stubborn nature, and our need to self-efficiency keep us from the resurrection.
I think of it like handing over a cookie to God, and then snatching it back
half way through. We often only trust God with the crumbs left in his hand. Guilt
is the hardest cross to get rid of. We often won’t even give a single crumb
from that cookie, because it is painful, and shameful. As you prepare for the resurrection,
I pray that you will take time to examine your crosses, and then begin the
journey towards the resurrection, the very peace that sustains us