Rain Drops by Grace

God's Grace Through a Rainstorm

 

 

There are sometimes in our lives when we take time to give thanks to God simply for human life. We celebrate birthdays, holidays, major life milestones. I think most of us enjoy times when we gather with family and friends for those occasions that we have deemed a family occasion. With Christimas a New Years fresh in our minds, many of us are feeling refreshed from long meals and gift exchanges with loved ones. Some of us visited with family that we had not seen in a long time, that is often a treasured gift on it's own. Then there are times where we thank God for human life, becasue we have suffered loss, or have been given a glimpse of what could have been a possible tragedy.

 

 

I am feeling a little of all of these things. I enjoy Christmas time, and seeing my family. I was able to visit with my brother James, who lives away from home for work. There were the special events with the 26 neices and nephews crawling all over "Aunt Crabby".. Yesterday I lost my cousin Teresa, and today I almost lost several people that I love. I know that my thoughts will not be far from my own mortality for days as I ponder these events.

 

 

While I am a small town farm girl from the Northern Mid-West USA, and American by birth, I am also a Brazilian woman. I belong to the Carvalho family, by direction/adoption of the Holy Spirit. I want you to know this because the testimony that I am about to share needs to have the inclusion of a deep and abiding love that has been built over time, and for me includes not just other members of my church, but also includes members of my family, by that adoption.The church in Poá, São Paulo Brazil, sits on a hill that is rather steep, and it is a busy area with a fair amount of traffic at times. Carlos, my dear papai, lives across the street from the church, on the northern side of the street with his family. Today his son, and two other close loved ones were washing the car, and it began to rain. (it is scorching hot summer there right now)...They abandoned the cleaning project when heavy rains moved in. Moments later a crash was heard, and the back of the car was smashed in, and the car badly damaged, where my loved ones were working.. Essentially four lives could have been lost in those few seconds, as soon Carlos will be a grandfather. The hand brake had failed on another vehicle, and it went crashing into the back of the car.

 

I know that many people would say it was a coincedence, or that it was just good luck. I have no use for luck of any kind, as there are only 3 kinds, good luck, bad luck, and none at all ....the odds are just not in my favor. Grace and blessings though are one hundred percent assured. I know the power of rainstorms. I lost my home and most of my belongings to a rain storm. That was simply something that happened. God was there, as none of my family was hurt. This time, I have to give God thanks simply for grace. For whatever reason of what ever kind, my loved ones went in to get out of the rain at that very moment and were spared! I was once spared in the same way. I was supposed to ride somewhere with some friends, and my buddy Rodney insisted that I ride with my sister, even though at the time we fought constantly. His insistance saved my life, as I would not have survied the crash that followed.. the back seat where I would have been moments before was completly crushed. The three young people that were spared today have more work to do in this world. I had more work to do to.. They each have their talents and possibilites to yet unfold, and the grace of God has allowed for that to happen. Although I will never have concrete, undoubtable proof for the rest of the world, the testimony of my heart says that God has sent grace this day, in the form of rain drops.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



When Proverbs Come to Shove..

Why I Won't Click Share

 

Peer pressure is a lovely thing in someways. It can rally people for a cause such as fighting cancer, getting people to vote, or to participate in a worthy event. Other times peer pressure is the cause of common threads that spread of the cancers of the mind, such as prejudice, and very zealous hate posting on facebook. On facebook and other media sites, the pressure is on!!  Almost daily I read things that say "Click share if you love your sister" or Click share if you LOVE dogs" those are not so bad I guess.... but then we have pictures of animals that are bloody, they say "Click share if you are against animal violence", others I have seen are picture of statistics regarding Christianity you better click share or you are a closet Christian.. or worse a sinner. Oh my.. oh my...(we are that anyways). I have news for you.. I am an open Christian. But I will never ever click share when someone posts this kind of stuff.  I don't care of it makes me appear to be a "gun toting grandma hating puppy kicker", the operative word is "appear". People who truly know me, know that my actions speak for what I believe in. The photos that are being shared make many people feel sick, and are an immediate turn off, even though they are supposed to invoke emotion or action. Often times the point is lost, before the words sink in. Othertimes we are simply offended at the implication that we are too stupid to understand there is a problem.

 

 

As to the problem of religious click and share for Christans.. Jesus ministry was about choosing. He, himself taught lessons, visited with people, preached and cared for people. He never ever threatened the common people whom he was trying to reach. Even men like Zacheus, he simply shared a meal and spoke to him. Yes Jesus threatened the Pharisees and Sadducee's. They were learned men, who were clearly abusing God's words. They also were abusing their position in society that was founded on their religion to glean all they could in the temple and on the streets from God's children. Jesus often began those statements to them with "Woe to you .... you who....", he never spoke to those whom he was preaching to like that in a crowd. Especially in a crowd of unlearned poor people. Instead Jesus began to tell them about a home that was being made ready for them, and how they would be filled with joy and hope. There was a sense of belonging to a family and a community that would take them in, and love them.

 

Jesus never used guilt or fear as a tool for public teaching. He also never used what I called the "yin for yang wisdom" found in Proverbs. It was much much deeper than that. Rather than campaign for some bandwagon ideal, Jesus went very deep into the ideas he was sharing by teaching with a story or parable. He offered an illustration that was reflective of life that the person he was speaking to, so they would hear what he was saying, then he would further explain so they could understand the pupose of the story. Matthew 13 uses the illustration of a farmer sowing seeds, his own disciples even asked him "Why do you use these illustrations?" (Matthew 13: 10, The Way). He then proceeds to tell them that He wanted those who needed to understand.

As for effective witness.....

 

People often ask me because I am a very active young married, "How can we get young adults to come to church? How do we get them to come and bring their children?" The answer is very simple, and very, very straight forward. Tell them your testimony, your story of how Jesus touched your life. Tell them why He matters to you. No fluff, no bling, no glitter, just your testimony.  Then sit and listen, listen, LISTEN. Be prepared to change the order, sometimes you have to listen, and then tell your story. Either way you form a caring relationship that is real. When people ask me why I use little note cards when I preach, instead of huge papers, I tell them it is because I am telling my story, and that is written in my head, so no notes are needed. What people are looking for is clear and concrete proof of the ways that Jesus changes lives. The only clear and concrete proof you can have is your own story. When you spend all of your time gathering proof or testimony from other sources, it is very hard sometimes to stand by what you share, especially when things happen and suddenly that testimony is no longer true or applicable. Your testimony will always be true, no matter what happens.

 

 

If you look very closely and read, then re-read the "click and share" campaigns, they are often times pushed through by groups and individuals that have some kind of personal gain with the cause they are pushing. One time I saw a title page that was called "God", the click and share picture was a slide making fun of Tim Tebow for taking a knee in public. Now for as long as I have known God, I have never ever heard of God being upset with people for expressing their faith publicly for Him. It is only when there is a personal gain that it is no longer preferable. I also get angry when a post implies that if I don't "click and share" I am implying that some horrible condition will exist for my family. I am sorry but this gives credit and power to evil in our lives, and allows us to think that there is something bigger than God that is present. I cannot, and will not allow that kind of thinking to rule my life.

 

While there is much wisdom to be found in Proverbs, it is a cause and effect kind of wisdom. It in many ways does not allow for the depth that we as human beings a quite capable of taking in. Don't get me wrong, it is a starting point, but only that.  As for the posts on facebook and other social media, they are not even starting points, just opinions that people have formed and posted. They often do more harm than good because people from other faiths see them. These people then draw the conclusion that Christians are narrow minded and intolerant of not only them, but of each other. So for as long as facebook proverbs come to shove, I choose not to share.

 

 

 

 



 

 







Family Tree .... Where the leaves fall

Life in Christ Connected..



I admit it, I have the most complex family tree known to man. To begin there are my two parents.. with 3 siblings. (2 sisters, 1 brother, I also have 2 stepsisters,2 stepbrothers, and step parents) Papa and Hazel keep track of us all and there are almost 20 Aunts and Uncles, and over 110 cousins of all kinds...

 

 Starting at the top of my extended church family tree....Momella. Spiritual mother extraordinaire. Ohh... I have an entire family with 7 brothers and sisters, adopted as a teenager.. Ma and Pa Decker's clan.. I belong to them too.. it isn't wise to question Ma or her kids about this if you don't see where the branch is, as she is protective of what is hers, her kids are not far behind. Draw a line for nephews galore.. four  nieces with that clan... plus their own babies. Okay next branch, I have one sister who migrated from Africa, Cameroon, she and her husband have 3 kids. Let's see Lawrence calls me mum.. he's from Kenya. He has three boys, so I might be a grandma at 34.. okay.. My Aunt Dora who is a lovely lady who adopted me as her official "sobrina" which is Spanish for niece.. Then there is My family in Brazil, 2 uncles, Tony and Jerson, Carlos (dad), Fernanda (mom/sister/BFF) , 2 more siblings. (You should see this on paper it looks great). Then my twin brother Anderson (Jerson's son), yes we look nothing alike, are completely different birthdays, speak completely different languages, but you guessed. those lines run right together inseperable... okay so not to forget Troy, Eldon, and Tim, big brothers. They have been with me since I was a church tree sapling...

 

 

For many years I could not understand the depth of what it means to be a brother or sister in Christ. I thought it was just a way to be polite to people in church. Over the last ten years I have come to understand that a family member in Christ is the deepest connection we carry. I am not taking away from the value of blood family. No one knows more than I do how much we need the connection of the clan we have been born into. In our blood family, we need both connections. What I am looking at though now, is the clan we are re-born into, by knowing Jesus Christ, and how our earthy families can benefit from this kind of connection. I have connections in Christ in a different way with all of my family de terre. Part of the meaning of this life in Christ is having those people around you who you know simply love you as you are... the good and the bad. These people have come to know me as impatient, hot tempered, but also someone who will pray until they have no words left. This love is not a blind love.. it is tested and true. Believe me, more than once several of these people have been furious with me, and rightly so. However our connection with Christ allows us to talk about things. When either of us have things to deal with that are painful, we reach out for each other.

 

 While we love our earthly families, the connection there without God's presence, allows for us to "get away"with having a different standard for behavior. For example our earth logic is "if I borrow my sister's shirt without asking, it isn't stealing because it belonged to my sister. If I ruin it then she shouldn't get mad, because she's my sister. Sometimes I hear people insult their spouses, and it is supposed to be okay because well, that person their spouse.. I think you know where this is going. In our lives we need to be very mindful of the standards in which we see our our church family, and the rest of humanity including our family.. In the USA we often tend to give our earthly family, and the rest of humanity the short end of the stick. While our culture promotes autonomy and independence, it also gives a wide berth for treating our relatives badly when we feel the situation benefits us to do so. Sometimes we pretend parts of our family tree don't exist.. In other cultures we see a reverence for family and community that is beyond words, a closer representation of Christ's desires for us. There are branches everywhere here.. like my photo of Brazil up top.. I am not ripping the US apart in their life style.. but I do live here, and have been other places.. I know that many people from the US shake their heads when I speak of my extended family, and all of the ways that we do things together.. let alone trying to maintain a "regular family life" one that includes kind words for my husband every day and dinner at the table with our kids and regular visits with the family via Skype and facebook..... Having this kind of support, people who will love you, is a part of the connection to Christ that feeds us. It also keeps us on the path help the family tree to remain healthy. My regular family life benefits, because with all of the extra support, I can do more than if I was always alone. The truth is often times our extended family can see when our family tree leaves are falling too fast, and we need help.

 

We know that trees need  to shed their leaves when they rest. I look at all of the things that I have endured in life as a new leaf. Each time a leaf falls, a new leaf, or new blessing or trial comes in it's place. The trunk of my part of the tree has 34 rings. Without the blessings of some of these people, I may have only had 18 rings.. One of my extra family members nursed me though a terrible bout of pneumonia, others helped me quit drinking and smoking.. All of these people have pushed me closer to Christ, when I would have run away. Others have held out their hands when so many of my leaves were falling so that the roots were close to dying two years ago after some surgeries.

 

Recently I was gifted with a family in Brazil. People who love me with all of their hearts. They call me daughter, sister, and friend. My roots have grown so strong in the last little while that my leaves are growing green and bearing fruit that I never expected to grow. While distance, and more time will witness more leaves falling, I know one thing for sure, no matter what happens, I am loved no matter where the leaves fall, and I am blessed to have them as my branches..

 

Te amo muito.. minha familia..

 

 

 

 



My Lady....Thy Chariot Awaits..

I dedicate this article to my "Uncle Jerson"

 

Casa, é onde o coração é ...Tradução Inglês, Português e segue

 

I recently went to Brazil for a mission trip. I had no idea what would happen, or how much the people I would meet would change my life. In just 3 short months, I have gained an entire family. People I have only just met, but love so much, that I cannot imagine my life without them for even a second. While in Brazil I picked up some Portuguese, but really only had the skills of a "Portuguese" baby. one person in particular has really moved my heart with his acceptance. That is Jerson. Jerson is a quiet man with an easy going demeanor. He has kind eyes, and has spent his life smiling. He has the laugh lines to prove it. I am a very chatty person, and I struggle to keep quiet at times. His Brother Carlos and sister in law Fernanda are adopted family, we visit as often as we can.. Even though I had few words when I first met Jerson, I was determined to talk to him about everything, even in English. Why not?  It was worth a try, as sometimes a few words can be exchanged between langauges easily. One evening Jerson had hosted us at his place of work. It is a lovely gem in the São Paulo skyline with good food and music, I danced with his son Anderson, (my Brazilian twin brother), and enjoyed the company of all the other missionaries that had gone on this trip. While every person I met was kind to me in Brazil, the kindness of Jerson, stays with my heart for a reason. He is so quiet, but he tries to understand me when I speak my terrible Portuguese to him. He allows me to call him "Uncle Jerson" in English. While Carlos and Fernanda have a good understand of the English langauge, I cannot use the "Englishugese" mix with Jerson and have the same effect.

 

The night I went to São Paulo city center, when we were going home, Jerson gave me a ride. I was somewhat still in awe of the evening and trying to just listen to the sounds of the city. Suddenly about three or four miles from the house, in Portuguese I blurted out "We are very close to home".  Jerson just smiled at me a dazzling smile and said "yes". The look of happiness he gave me was so sincere. I had not traveled this route before as there are many ways to go one place in Brazil, and nothing looked familiar, but I knew where we were.. So why would this mean so much to me? What would Jerson's presence have to do with this feeling? It was a feeling of complete and total acceptance by someone who barely knew me. He was so happy that I had known where we were. I wonder if some of the smile came from using the word "home" correctly.. If I look even deeper in myself, I think it was the knowledge that he did not think it strange for me to feel at home in his presence. Part of the message of Jesus Christ that is so critical is the message of acceptance. Often times we speak of forgiveness and sharing, but of we do not truly accept those in our lives as they are, forgiveness and acceptance mean very little. What is the point of forgiving someone, or sharing a meal with them, if there is something about them that takes your thoughts away from the act of being with those people? When we were making arrangements to go home, Jerson could have requested a quieter missionary to accompany him, he also could have asked for one of the missionaries who spoke more Portuguese.. I would have never known. Instead when the time came to leave, he opened the car door and gave me a smile. He let me ask questions as I was able, and he was never impatient with me.

 

While Jerson is a world class musician, he humbly offers his music to the church each Sunday. He sings beautifully with his son Anderson, and brother Carlos. It would be very easy for someone of their talents to have a name as large as life itself in the music industry, yet they work together to spread the message of Christ's peace. While my love for Brazil each day grows, and Portuguese is not far behind, I pray that Jerson will always know how much his acceptance of me, just as I was will always have a special place in my heart.  

 

 Recentemente fui ao Brasil para uma viagem missionária. Eu não tinha idéia do que iria acontecer, ou o quanto as pessoas que ia conhecer iria mudar a minha vida. Em apenas 3 meses curtos, eu ganhei uma família inteira. Pessoas que eu só agora conheci, mas amo tanto, que eu não posso imaginar minha vida sem eles nem por um segundo. Enquanto no Brasil eu peguei um pouco de Português, mas na verdade só tinha as habilidades de um bebê "Português". uma pessoa em particular, tem realmente mudou meu coração com a sua aceitação. Que é Jerson. Jerson é um homem tranquilo, com uma postura fácil. Ele tem olhos bondosos, e passou a vida sorrindo. Ele tem as linhas de riso para provar isso. Eu sou uma pessoa muito falante, e eu me esforço para manter a calma às vezes. Seu irmão Carlos e cunhada Fernanda são adotadas família, visitar sempre que pudermos .. Mesmo que eu tivesse algumas palavras quando eu conheci Jerson, eu estava determinado a falar com ele sobre tudo, mesmo em Inglês. Por que não? Foi pena tentar, como às vezes algumas palavras podem ser trocadas entre langauges facilmente. Uma noite, Jerson havia hospedado nos em seu local de trabalho. É um adorável jóia em São Paulo skyline com boa comida e música, eu dancei com seu filho Anderson, (meu irmão gêmeo brasileiro), e se a empresa de todos os outros missionários que tinham ido nessa viagem. Embora cada pessoa que eu conheci foi gentil comigo, no Brasil, a bondade de Jerson, fica com o coração por uma razão. Ele é tranqüila, mas ele tenta me entender quando eu falo meu Português terrível para ele. Ele me permite chamá-lo de "tio Jerson" em Inglês. Enquanto Carlos e Fernanda têm uma boa compreensão do langauge Inglês, eu não posso usar o mix "Englishugese" com Jerson e têm o mesmo efeito.

A noite fui ao centro de São Paulo, quando estávamos indo para casa, Jerson deixe-me voltar com ele para a nossa casa. Eu estava um pouco ainda no temor da noite e tentando apenas ouvir os sons da cidade. De repente, cerca de três ou quatro quilômetros da casa, em Português eu soltei "Estamos muito perto de casa". Jerson apenas sorriu para mim um sorriso deslumbrante e disse "sim". O olhar de felicidade que ele me deu foi tão sincero. Eu não tinha viajado esta via antes, pois há muitas maneiras de ir um lugar no Brasil, e nada parecia familiar, mas eu sabia onde estávamos .. Então, por que isso significa muito para mim? Qual seria a presença Jerson tem a ver com esse sentimento? Foi um sentimento de aceitação completa e total por alguém que mal me conhecia. Ele estava tão feliz que eu sabia onde estávamos. Eu me pergunto se algum do sorriso veio de usar a palavra "casa" corretamente .. Se eu olhar ainda mais profundo em mim, eu acho que era o conhecimento que ele não ache estranho para mim sentir em casa na sua presença. Parte da mensagem de Jesus Cristo, que é tão importante é a mensagem de aceitação. Muitas vezes falamos de perdão e de partilha, mas de não aceitar aqueles verdadeiramente em nossas vidas como elas são, perdão e aceitação significam muito pouco. Qual é o ponto de perdoar alguém, ou partilhar uma refeição com eles, se há algo sobre eles que toma seus pensamentos longe do ato de estar com essas pessoas? Quando estávamos a fazer arranjos para ir para casa, Jerson poderia ter solicitado um missionário mais calma para acompanhá-lo, ele também poderia ter pedido a um dos missionários que falaram mais Português .. Eu nunca teria conhecido. Em vez disso, quando chegou a hora de sair, ele abriu a porta do carro e me deu um sorriso. Ele me deixou fazer perguntas que eu era capaz, e ele nunca foi impaciente comigo.
Enquanto Jerson é um músico de classe mundial, ele humildemente oferece sua música para a igreja todos os domingos. Ele canta lindamente com seu filho Anderson, e Carlos irmão. Seria muito fácil para alguém de seus talentos para ter um nome tão grande quanto a própria vida na indústria da música, mas eles trabalham juntos para espalhar a mensagem de paz de Cristo. Enquanto o meu amor pelo Brasil a cada dia cresce, e Português não fica muito atrás, eu rezo para que Jerson será sempre sabe o quanto a sua aceitação de mim, assim como eu estava sempre terá um lugar especial no meu coração.

Dancing with Portuguese

Fale devagar e falar suavemente

(Speak slowly, speak smoothly)

 

I have always loved languages. Eever since I had my first taste of Spanish from a 1950's Berlitz Spanish reader, I have wanted to speak forgien languages. When I was in high school I took 3 years of French and 6 months of Spanish. Those classes allowed me to meet people from many places in the world at conferences in the United States.While Spanish and French are very lovely, Portuguese is a very melodic mix of accent, intelligence, and a little facial expression. I have learned in just 5 days that unlike French and Spanish it is much more difficult to rely on cognates, or words that sound like words in English.

 

My friend Carlos is studying English, and we are trying to help each other learn our native languages. As I was listening to a lovely young lady speak last night I could understand much of what was being said at first, but she was speaking so rapidly after afew mintues... I could not. If it was a dance I would have been stepping on someones toes.. When I confessed that I was kind of lost becasue she was speaking fast, Carlos gently reminded me that I speak fast as well when I forget that he needs time to hear me as well. I do the same thing to Fernanda his wife, she smiles at me a lot and is very pateint.. for this I am very thankful.

 

The lesson for me...

 

How easy we often fall into narrow mind of thought when we are not the ones to be affected. I remeber when I first spoke to my church Uncle Tony about coming to Brazil, as he is native Brazilian and works very hard to grow the mission here. . I told him that I wanted to come and meet people and share about Jesus. He told me that I was only half way to the need of bringing Jesus to people here. The other half was going to meet people in their homes and bringing blessings to them personally. In the last few days I have seen the needs that this area has, I have spoken the language, but have just barely began to understand the importance of staying in step with the dance.

 

So many people are patient with my mistakes, they smile and laugh and do their best to help me. But I am learning that all that I say, and the order of words is not always as important as the message itself. "I care about you, and your concerns are real". I care enough to look at you when you speak to me, and I want to really hear what you have to say. And most improtant I want to have a realationship with you that gives you all of the worth and dignity that God gives.

 



What We Can't Take Back, Give to God

Forgiving Ourselves, the Elusive Element

I have been in thought lately because the leaves have changed. When the air gets cooler and the days get shorter, my mind often wanders back to my senior year of highschool. This was a time in my life when I was sustained by the Creator's Holy Spirit. It was also the time that I developed a grudge against myself that took years to heal. I am sharing about it now, for a young man that I know is in the dregs of life and needs to see what can happen if we don't forgive ourselves. The unforgiveness I had for myself, nearly cost me everything.

In order to help you understand my life as a teen I have to disclose the reality of my world back then. I was the second oldest child of four. My parents had divorced four years prior. My older sister had moved to Flint for work, and my dad worked about 70 hours a week. He was a full time bus driver and had to do alot of field trips and sports events to help us get by. Our home had been destroyed in the summer of 95 by a wind shear, two months before my senior year. Our belongings were soaked from the rain so the effects were much like that of a flood. While we were able to do some initial damage repair, the majority of the west half of the house was not insulated in full before winter. There was only 3/4 of the house covered with a roof, even though the walls were framed in. While my friends worried about prom, senior pictures and parties. I was worried about the kids at home with me, my dad who was working into a stupor on everything, and our house.

My senior year was not as bad as many years of school in some ways because I knew that I would soon be free of the many people who had made fun of me in years past. I had an easier work load because I had not taken as many credit hours.  There was drama and marching band to enjoy, even if being at home was hard, especially when the cold set in.

The first few weeks of school went well, I stayed with my friend Angie  and her family while my Dad worked to close in part of the house after work each day.  When I was able to come home, Dad gifted me with his old room that had not been damaged in the storm. He moved into a smaller room that was in the repaired part, not having carpet and painted walls didn't bother him. While it was nice to have a big room, I had noticed that I had a bit of pain in my foot between my toes moving my stuff in, and it got to be a bother fast. When I walked it pinched and caused pain to shoot all over my foot. My doctor found a place that had infection from a planters wort, and he opened it up that day to clean it up and relieve the pain. Before he finished he discovered two more spots on the bottom and treated those as well. The next week I had to get my wisdom teeth out, all four of them were still beneath the gum line. I had a lot of stitches and the whole process did not go well. Dad begged me to rest and stay in bed, but I only did for 3 days because I wanted to be in the homecoming parade one last time. That cost me more than I would have ever imagined.

I lost stitches too soon and caught dry socket. The infection that began in my face spread to all the places that had been healing from the week before. By the end of October, my face was swollen, I limped, and my house was getting very cold. I slept very little at night because of cold and pain. Even though Dad tried to insulate and close places up, he was working a huge load of hours. The living room of my house was laterally outside, with no roof over it. The furnace ran almost non stop, but it did little to really heat the house.


During this time in my life, I had a very close friendship with a classmate. We had become very close friends through a mutual friend, and we had decided to take French 3 together as a way to spend time hanging out. It was an independent study class and we were allowed to go to the library. The last day that I saw my friend alive, I had been back to school for the longest stretch that I had been since I had my teeth taken out.

 I was exhausted, and too embarrassed to admit that my life was really hard. Often when my friends had shared their troubles I took on the part of an empathetic mother. By this time in my life I never asked my dad much, because I already knew that doing something stupid could hurt the kids or I. doing anything that cost money meant not enough for food, so I never did alot of the teenage stuff kids do. I cared more about having food and staying warm. I cared about my friends the way an aunt would. I often gave adult like advice, much to the distress of my friends, because I often saw the value of their parents side in an argument. My friend stated many times that he was unhappy about life and that he wanted to die, his moods bounced because he abused antihistamines and he was often two every different people in a day. In this era you have to know that it was not uncommon for kids to say that everyday as a "cool statement" they wanted to die. Metalica and Mega Death had glamorized dying and the dark world as cool.  This last day though, I was sick, exhausted and I told my friend that I really didn't care what he did, I was not in the mood to hear it. (I was so sick I had not picked up on the statement he made that day as a dire warning, he said"I want to go home and hang myself") I had done all I could do just to stay awake at school. That evening during drama practice, a classmate named Jill came into the auditorium and gave us the awful news. My first instinct was to call my friend's mom, because two of her children would need her to drive them home. I hurried to go pick her up. I then went to another friends house, and sat with his aunt for a while after my friends had been settled. I cried then for an hour, and figured after that I needed to care for all of my friends from that moment on. The next few days I stayed with them in the library for grief counseling "to help the others". My Dad's sister helped me shop for a suit to wear and my friend Brain took me to the funeral as I was in no shape to drive even though I refused to cry. I also had endured the loss of two long time friends in the church that week, and the death of a local child. His death was caused by drunk driving by the same man who had raped me at 14. (another thing I had just tucked away) While I know the Holy Spirit had given me strength and care, I neglected to see that though all of this I was still a kid who needed care. Even though I had been helping my dad parent, I was not one. In my conquest to help everyone, I was neglecting myself in a serous way. I took in all the grief and suffering, I stuffed it away along with all I had endured, and I began to do silly little things to make it all stop hurting. Like drugs and alcohol. My friends that knew I wasn't a partier, (after all I lectured them about their parents being right) were confused. Why would I do that stuff? I then spent 3 years acting a bit crazy after graduation. I brawled with men to prove a point, I drank whiskey and chased it with beer, or even worse tequila. I went driving drunk, and even tried to teach my little sister how to drive a stick shift, while I was fully snockered.

 I moved to the city and lived with my mom, and had completely ditched most of my high school friends, except Brian, who was more like family. He also had a habit of ignoring me when I acted stupid, so he was not hard to be around because he wasn't mad at me. His mom is like a mother to me. She and her husband Mike, often tried to reason with me that I had better chances of getting my life together because I knew a better way. I just kept ignoring them, because I did not want to admit I needed to change. It all finally came to a screeching halt when I had began to date my husband. I had a mysterious two week flu, that lasted nine months. It took God literally grabbing me by the face and saying "LOOK AT ME, FOR JUST A MOMENT, LOOK AT ME."I had to be clean and sober right then because I was going to be a mother. When I had to stop drinking, I had time to see God in something as I had time sober to look. I could see in a sober state that I was not to blame for all that I had been though. I should have asked others for help, and not taken on the responsibility of bearing everyone else's pain alone. Three years of my life were now spent, and I could not get anything from them at the time. What I got from them later was the knowledge that God had been present, but if I could have brought myself to deal with the fact that I needed to forgive myself for something that I had no control over, I would have been saved alot of grief. I should have cried and mourned for my friend along with the entire school. I couldn't do that then. Every year though, I go back to Riverside to see his head stone and pull weeds and keep things picked up (eyes full of tears). I see him every time I go to church at my congregation in Caro, I see his senior photo. One of his family members is still a part of a grief group that meets there. I have to confront my sadness for just a second, but I know now that the Holy Spirit is in constant care of us both. So my message for all today is that even if we cannot forgive our selves, we need to give our cares to God who can. By giving Him the situation, the load becomes bearable, and we are not forcing ourselves to carry something that is too heavy. When life happens, rather than try to internalize and be strong, be human and share. My prayers for you all this October season..Josie

Women's Roles in Boy Scouts

                                 Community of Caring                    

              Why Women need to volunteer in Boy Scouts

     This evening I sat in a court of honor, a celebration of accomplishment and sharing in boy scouts, amazed by the things that our scouts were doing and seeing. I was moved by the camaraderie of the men, and even the few moments of tears as we said good bye in silence, to Brian Bender, our former treasurer. B.B. as his friends called him, was an active scout leader for many years, and had lost his life after a brief struggle with illness. It was amazing to see how the kids were supportive of each other, and happy for each other's accomplishments. I know that for many people the image of scout leaders has been stereotyped into these ultra woodsy people who go out camping with just a piece of fishing line and a jack knife. Visions of bug eating and roasting chunks of meat over buffalo chips come to mind, as the kids go foraging for leaves to use as toilet paper on these trips. Many people also have an incorrect idea that scouts is a " boys and men only" association. As many of you who have been in scouts know, this is not what scouting is about. It is in fact about giving young men a chance to get a well rounded education in many facets of life. While survival is certainly important, scouts learn more than just how to camp. They learn about community and respect. Scouts learn about finishing what they start through earning merit badges, and skills that it takes to be successful parents and workers as adults.Venture crews for older teens are co-ed for boys and girls alike, that offer opportunity to be involved in activities like sailing, mountain climbing, and civil war studies.

        It occurred to me this evening as I sat and listened that many women probably don't know that they have a definite place in the boy scouts program. I started my journey a year ago with Vassar troop when I signed my son up for the program. The plan was supposed to be that my husband would accompany my son to meetings and I would be a distant figure, baking cookies and driving kids sometimes. That lasted about three seconds. My husbands job is jam packed with work in the fall and winter. When I went to James' first meeting I was informed that the troop needed a chaplain. This for me was an excellent opportunity to minister in my own hometown in a way that would impact young lives. I then began attending committee meetings with two other women and I began to see the impact of active women in boy scouts. Many of the women in our scout committee had been serving for years, and they are mothers of eagle scouts. They have organized popcorn sales and fundraiser meals, and while those seem to be mostly traditional women's roles, these ladies have also done scout camps, board of reviews, merit badge counseling and many, many activities to help the boys improve their life skills. I personally have been out with the boys pounding the pavement to distribute food collection bags for the "Scouting For Food" program. This is not something that I would consider a "gendered job". I have also helped the boys place and remove several hundred flags at our cemetery to honor veterans, again this is something so important, that everyone is qualified to do.

      One reason women are needed, is the opportunity it provides for adult male leaders to display their model of respect and caring to women in leadership. I know personally that the male leaders in our troop give the highest respect to Linda, our troop secretary, along with myself and all of the moms who put hours into these activities. In a world where many video games and television teach disrespect to women, scouts teaches respect to all people. When this kind of teaching opportunity is presented in real life models, the models become habits that will last a life time. On many occasions where I see scouts at school, I often get very polite "hello Mrs. Gow" as a  greeting from the troop boys.  I know that they are aware of my presence in their troop, even though I usually only address them during prayers. On the flip side, boys also need to know that women care about their scouting experience. They need to know that being a strong male leader involves having support from females in many facets of life. Caring communities are then developed when the adults who lead them have had well rounded life experiences as youth.

           I know I'll never go camping with them in the wild, as I have sleep apnea, and cannot endure the loss of my electric lungs. I know that I cannot go for many of the outings, because my schedule doesn't allow, however what I can do is be present whenever activities do come up that I can attend. I focus on sharing my best smile with each boy, and support the direct involvement staff in whatever endeavor they need. I can also search out women who love to be outdoors, and inside with these kids. These kids need your time and experience! For the curious it should be noted that many of merit badges are not just "traditional manly" skills like shooting and fishing, but also medicine, cooking, and basket weaving. Indian lore, science studies of many kids, and several citizenship badges are available.

      Ladies, if you have had thoughts about scouting, or are looking for a community activity, boy scouts has a place for you! I urge you to contact your local Scout Master and sign up today! Questions, checkout www.scouting.org for more info..