15 Year Survival Guide
Many of my readers know that recently I celebrated 15 years of marriage. In a world where more than fifty percent of marriages "buy the farm" (some in less than 6 months) it is not something we hear these days from people my age. I'd be full of it if I said "we never fight" or that every day is perfect, but it has been the best 15 years I have ever had. That kinda perfection junk is for Disney and my husband and I find it to be more frightening that the reality of disagreeing and making mistakes. Here is what we learned to survive...
Tell the truth early on.....
Lima beans, Carrot cake with raisins and too much junk extra, Cucumbers.. Things that my husband hates.... he told me up front to ease his personal pain.. I should have done the same
I'd like to mention that knowing car parts is not required for marriage success of any kind.. I know many of them, but the language of "That banging thingy that goes up and down" covers everything from the exhaust, stuff in suspension, and pistons.."... just sayin.. Also plumbing and electrical have their own vocabulary.. and a lot of times "damn it" bridges the gap between the two. I actually am the electrical and plumbing expert in the family. turning jewelry groomed me for wiring light switches and sockets.. who would'a thought?
When Silence Matters Most!
Let's just start with any time you want to say "I told you so". Get rid of that phrase here and now learn to tell yourself "shut up" inside first.. here is why....
First off being honest about stuff can be painful especially early on in a relationship, but I swear it builds character, rather than pretend you like what he likes just spill!! I remember the third date I had with my husband at home. He made me a venison stew. It was a thoughtful homemade meal.. Did I mention that I hate 4 legged woods bound cuisine of any kind and seafood!!! Nope I chickened out... I toughed out the first night's meal with mountain of ketchup and mental prayer. The same effect CANNOT be reached when the left overs are stew or any broth based meal that cannot be drowned in ketchup.. (shudders here).. Just go for honesty!
Stuff you don't really know.. explain it how you understand it!!
I'd like to mention that knowing car parts is not required for marriage success of any kind.. I know many of them, but the language of "That banging thingy that goes up and down" covers everything from the exhaust, stuff in suspension, and pistons.."... just sayin.. Also plumbing and electrical have their own vocabulary.. and a lot of times "damn it" bridges the gap between the two. I actually am the electrical and plumbing expert in the family. turning jewelry groomed me for wiring light switches and sockets.. who would'a thought?
When Silence Matters Most!
Let's just start with any time you want to say "I told you so". Get rid of that phrase here and now learn to tell yourself "shut up" inside first.. here is why....
When it comes to a Christmas tree that falls over after an hour of decorating (you may have said it needs an anchor wire), and it catches the carpet on fire, don't laugh.. EVER. At least not until your husband has gone outside to enjoy the finer parts of falling snow and some nerve soothing nicotine. If you stand there and laugh with your brother while the blazes of hell and the carpet smolder in front of you it can cause a little friction.
Also no matter how much you scream or yell, if there are woodchucks, raccoon, or annoying small games in the garden, it is pointless to yell much when your husband just opens the door and shoots them where he stands. -- side note -- you also don't have to yell about a raccoon that has ran up a telephone pole in the back yard after getting shot with an arrow.. you see if they get caught up on an electrical pole until the carcass falls 6 weeks later, the stink is enough to remind him that might not have been the best idea,. you need to say nothing.
More About What You don't really Know..
Also no matter how much you scream or yell, if there are woodchucks, raccoon, or annoying small games in the garden, it is pointless to yell much when your husband just opens the door and shoots them where he stands. -- side note -- you also don't have to yell about a raccoon that has ran up a telephone pole in the back yard after getting shot with an arrow.. you see if they get caught up on an electrical pole until the carcass falls 6 weeks later, the stink is enough to remind him that might not have been the best idea,. you need to say nothing.
More About What You don't really Know..
Languages.... I speak 4. 2 fluently 2 elementary.. (English, Portuguese, Spanish and French) My husband however speaks hunting, fishing, mechanics, and bbq. All of these skill sets are equally important. While I can bbq and cook up a storm (pride point of my husband's that is certain) we have two different methods for those things. In grilling... "I just flipped that" means "leave it alone for us both.. no translations required"..
Learning your spouses language dialect is important also. I speak "Impatient English". I think Lee has it figured out when I sad "Dear, when you have time can you......??" Really means I want you to do this (insert request here) in the next five minutes or so and I am not really worried about what you are doing this second. Not a pretty truth about what happens in my head, but it is what it is..
When the Alone Hand Matters Most is Not Always in a Euchre Game.
"Stay home partner!" is the phrase uses in the game of Euchre to signify that you want to try to make all the points yourself and score extra points if you succeed. Sometimes when Lee works a lot together time is slim to none.. this also includes when I am away on mission projects out of the country or at summer camps.. They tend to run back to back.. I like to to try to make up for lost time on Lee's days off. When Lee says "not really" or "I'm good" as a very slow reply to questions about places I want to drag him, it equals a firm no. "I think not" equals for lack of better words "hell no". This includes going to most baby showers, restaurants that he finds annoying, and also bead stores of any kind.
Last, But Not Least "Passing Gas"--
Everyone does it eventually so running away the first year of marriage to do so is a waste of time. I come from a family with sour insides.. and I am a good German with an affection for sauerkraut so it is a reality. You can be a traditionalist and say "excuse me" or when you are sure the outcome is going to be ugly shouting "Rusty! Bad dog!" is quite acceptable, until your children conceived in love and raised in truth, begin to say "Mom either you or Rusty need to see the vet and get that fixed". We don;t have a dog so the humor here is pretty plain. My husband remains blissfully silent. (see section three title for more info..)...
When the Alone Hand Matters Most is Not Always in a Euchre Game.
"Stay home partner!" is the phrase uses in the game of Euchre to signify that you want to try to make all the points yourself and score extra points if you succeed. Sometimes when Lee works a lot together time is slim to none.. this also includes when I am away on mission projects out of the country or at summer camps.. They tend to run back to back.. I like to to try to make up for lost time on Lee's days off. When Lee says "not really" or "I'm good" as a very slow reply to questions about places I want to drag him, it equals a firm no. "I think not" equals for lack of better words "hell no". This includes going to most baby showers, restaurants that he finds annoying, and also bead stores of any kind.
Last, But Not Least "Passing Gas"--
Everyone does it eventually so running away the first year of marriage to do so is a waste of time. I come from a family with sour insides.. and I am a good German with an affection for sauerkraut so it is a reality. You can be a traditionalist and say "excuse me" or when you are sure the outcome is going to be ugly shouting "Rusty! Bad dog!" is quite acceptable, until your children conceived in love and raised in truth, begin to say "Mom either you or Rusty need to see the vet and get that fixed". We don;t have a dog so the humor here is pretty plain. My husband remains blissfully silent. (see section three title for more info..)...
Happy Fifteen Dear!
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