Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Weights of Grace and Forgiveness

Working just one day in a school building you will see things that you will never forget. Any given day is a mixed bag of people, experiences, and moments that are will stay with you for a lifetime. Any of these days require grace and a ton of forgiveness. Grace, healing power, and forgiveness are supposed to be freeing agents. They the connection between God and the people He made, they are what keep us bonded to Him. We are called to distribute both as God has, but at times I am not sure that we truly understand how to execute this. A lot of times we don't even want to try. Some people may ask me how could I say that grace is heavy? If it is supposed to set us free how can we feel it so heavily? For me, the weight is involved with my reactions to people in the schools and the things I see and feel. For me, grace is heavy because I have to ask for so much if it. Forgiveness is equally heavy as well as I like to hold on to it. It is never given without some personal cost. Each time we go through the process we have to give something to go through it well. 

There are many situations that take place in schools daily that you think you will only read about.  Kids bully each other. Things just happen as the kids are growing. They are constantly bumping into each other, getting in trouble as they learn to follow rules, those things are in a days' work. There are other things though that one should never see, we see it daily. You will see parents who are willing to bully their children in front of the staff. " I just don't want to deal with you and your bulls#it today!" causing the child to feel like they are a thing, an object of misery in their parent's lives. " If you could just sit still like your sister!" (ha you'll never be as good as she is!") or "You ..............." just fill in the blanks because somethings you can't put down in print. My mind is filled with sadness and anger. I want to lash out and ask them if they are proud of their bullying skills and if they plan to invest in the counseling their child will need to heal from it? I need the grace to overcome my sarcasm and desire to scream at them.

I see other parents daily with students with disabilities that have no desire to help their children break free from what is holding them back. Instead, they teach the child to use their disability like a badge for bad behavior passes or a license to bully staff members. I see other parents that can barely care for themselves. They want to do what is right, yet they have not got the tools to care for themselves, let alone their children. There those who are at times overly proud and refuse to use the services the schools offer and connect with. I want to shout "We're here to help! Why won't you work with us, rather than against?" I have to forgive and recognize my own pride aches at being turned away from the healing process.  Jesus also commanded us to love our enemies, loving them often involves educating and teaching those who resist breaking the cycles of life they have learned the hard way.

I see teachers who are loving and caring people hanging on by a thread because they can't reach some students and others that need their time are blocked from it. I see people who are talented that feel like a failure in spite of their magnificent giftedness because they just can't get through a day in class without major disruptions from students and the hours of testing they have to put up with. This grace is heavy because I have to accept that it is God's own hands that must carry them. I have only two hands and very few real hours to support them. 

My coming to care challenge today is "How do I let go of those weights, without becoming apathetic to the situations?"

"How do I empower others?"

"How do I show others this grace while letting them keep their dignity?"

Last but not least, "How do I go to work each day without wrapping myself in bubble wrap, putting on a plastic helmet, and eating ice cream by the quart in the teachers' lounge while sobbing?" 

Only God knows.






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