Why I Need Them.

Why God Gave Me Peter and Shawn.

Right now I am sitting dazed about a post I read from a Christian man. It was a description of abuse that he and his partner suffered recently at the hands of a stranger. My heart breaks for him, that he and his partner to have to endure the kind of behavior people subject him too. His response, " I have more work to do". I am humbled by this. My response is an age old one. That of fury. I know a lot about my friends situation, not because we live close together, or even grew up together, but because for most of my life I have been bullied for my size. I know what it feels like to be hated for being in my own skins. Being a plus size person many people assume that I am lazy, or that I eat too much. The truth is I walk several miles each week at the rail trail, I also watch my calorie intake, and I don't have any vices. I own two businesses and work part time. I got to college full time and am keeping a 4.0 grade average. This busy doesn't even include being a wife, a mother, and a minister. I do all of these full time, and for those who wonder about ministry, no I am not paid, but everywhere I look, every thing I see, begs for the Love of God, and the Prince of  Peace. I cannot turn my mind off from the work of the church. I have tried...

What I do have is IBD, the beginning stages of Chron's disease. I have to periodicaly take steroids to keep from having my insides removed. I also take a medication for my heart that slows my metabolism down to a crawl. These things make my fantasy of being a size 10 a dream. It also makes living life very hard. People say things that are cruel like " You have such a pretty face" to me those are the words of a coward who won't say I don't like the rest of you. I also love when people casually suggest I join a gym or a fat management club of sorts as if I don't know that my body is large..

Back to my friend.. You see he is more courageous than I because I often run to my anger, rather than to the Lord. I try to work away the pain I feel, when at times I should be praying it away. A man much like my friend came to me at a time in my life when I was not sure of my purpose twenty years ago, I wondered if I could ever be loved by a man, as I was. This man took me to the movies, swimming and out for what ever. he showered me with affection and gave ferocious answers to women who were catty about him spending time with me.  Yet he would never ever ask for my hand. That was not how God created him. He was destined for the man who holds his heart. The ministry and power of his presence in my life saved me from the destruction of myself. He gave me a reason to look around this world, and see myself how God sees me. I love him to this day still, and thank God for him. My friend so far away that posted, I imagine that his ministry in the church in some way gave another person the kind of feeling. Maybe he led them to the waters of baptism, maybe he prayed for their health. Maybe he rescued some other over weight person from the depression and devastation of being alone. I don't know. What I do know is this, I will continue to look up to him for strength. I will pray for him daily that his life be blessed, because no matter what no person, no matter who they are should ever be made to suffer for who they simply are...