Finding Balance in the Kingdom & Serving in Reality
I am a doer. I like to be busy and I like to feel that I have done one thing each day that made a difference. I do not mean that I went out and moved a mountain, solved a budget crisis, or even managed to sort my junk drawer. I just like to do one thing of some kind daily. I think I get it from my Papa who is 97. He has always managed to fill his time doing something of sorts. Crosswords, wood working, and reading his Bible to name a few. Even at 97 he likes to feed the cats and do small tasks that give him a part in the world. I find now that my kids are getting older, I spend much less time with dishes and laundry, and more time with dusting and doing somethings I always wanted to have more time for like play my instruments and practice piano. I still cook mostly from scratch and make beaded jewelry that I sell to fund mission trips to Brazil. I do this when I am not taking college classes at Mott, Harvard X, or other X groups that offer free Ivy League classes, or serving the church. I study languages and coordinate community programs for families in my area. All of these things mesh in ministry so in someways I volunteer full time with my faith community (I never thought that could be done). I drive people crazy with my Facebook posts that tend to be lists of things I have done, and being a multi-tasker at heart they seem large to people who read them. For me it is just everyday.
I used put a lot of emphasis on tasks getting done daily but I have learned that I needed to stop trying to be so driven to "chores tasking". College did that to me. I have missed priesthood meetings, prayer meetings, and Temple School classes. College did that too, because I take classes at night sometimes and can't be everywhere at once so trying to be the ultimate church tasker, I had to let that go in my life a bit too. I learned at camp that when you hit 30 you cannot be a camp super woman forever, when you work in the kitchen. I could not take classes, preach, and cook in the same week. It kills your mood and makes you deathly tired. I try to have a focus each camp that I attend depending on the "hat that I wear" at that camp. I now have more personal relationships with many people that I never really knew beyond their names, because I had time to talk to people.
I have missed college classes to go to funerals, doctors appointments, and because of snow.. I have also missed classes to go to Brazil and to cook for retreats at camp occasionally. I have given up church camps to be in Brazil. I have also given up time in Brazil, because I have to be here. College is important. Ministry is my life. Cooking and cleaning brings me a weird joy. (My sisters would say I have a touch of mental illness) How do I decide where I supposed to be, and when? The first thing I did was I decided that my Lord always comes first. While some people say that is not healthy, my family should come first, by serving God that means my families needs are always on the front burner, and I consider God's place in our family as I take care of them. There is no competition between God and my family, because they are interconnected. I also have a very competent husband who makes this an easy thing to accomplish. His support allows me to be in other places physically because he is a very good parent. Just because we have emergencies does not mean that I have to handle them personally. My husband makes good decisions, and would tell me if I needed to be at home. Instead we handling things over the phone and do pretty much the same as if I cam home.
When I first accepted the call to serve in Brazil, I only assumed that it would be a few weeks each fall. I never imagined it would be a nearly full time task. I often spend 2-3 hours a day working with the brothers and sisters there over Facebook counseling and praying. Sometimes I write and post prayers and sermons in Portuguese. I often wash laundry these days so that I am being "task productive" while my butt is glued to my office chair. I have also learned that my college classes are part of my ministry, it doesn't have to compete with it. Education is key in many ways to reaching the people around you. Every time you learn something, it opens the door to relationship building in another area, two third of kingdom building is understanding someone else.
I love my beads but find that I am hard pressed to create things when I have classes and other things to do. I no longer try to push my self "just to make". I now day dream about things I want to make when I have time, and I find that I get more made when I am not trying so hard. As for the priesthood meetings, I miss the fellowship and the planning time with those that I serve with, but they keep me up to date and they understand that having kids and going to school makes things tough. It is as they all call it, real life.
I found that my true happiness came when I learned that everything can be done in conjunction with my spiritual life, and that one thing does not have to trump the other. You can wear many hats at once and find balance with in them all. I don't worry so much about what I am called to do at each moment, instead I take each moment and do what comes next because that is reality. I found that I am a better servant when I can do what comes next well, rather than because it is what I feel I need to do to get a big list done. The pressure is off, and that is a relief.
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